Why Language Matters! A Strength-Based Approach to Neurodivergent Coaching with a Critical Twist

The Power of Strength-Based Coaching

Strength-based coaching has quite literally revolutionised personal and professional development by shifting the focus from deficits to strengths. For neurodivergent (ND) minds, this is particularly transformative.  A strengths-based approach validates and amplifies the abilities that often go unrecognised in neurotypical environments.

Image shows a colourful brain surrounded by character strengths wording

Rooted in the work of Dr Martin Seligman (2002) and the rise of positive psychology, this approach emerged as a response to the DSM’s pathology-driven model. Instead of diagnosing what’s “wrong” with people, it seeks to identify what makes them flourish. The VIA Character Strengths framework is a key tool in this movement, helping individuals recognise and harness their unique abilities, such as creativity, leadership, justice etc. those that are core to who they are.

The Golden Mean: Balancing Strengths?

The Golden Mean principle within VIA suggests that every strength has a "just right" level of expression—avoiding both underuse and overuse. The idea stems from Aristotle’s philosophy that virtues exist in balance. In theory, this is a helpful concept, as it acknowledges that even strengths can become counterproductive when taken to an extreme.

However, the language often used to describe this balance seems more than just problematic, particularly for neurodivergent individuals. Terms like lazy, sloth-like, or arrogant—commonly found in the underuse or overuse categories—fail to capture the nuanced ways that strengths manifest in ND experiences.

Image shows the VIA character Strengths Overuse and Underuse model

Traditional Golden Mean vs. ND-Reframed Perspective

Below are two examples of how the traditional Golden Mean language contrasts with a more neurodivergent-friendly reframe:

Example 1: Creativity

• Traditional Golden Mean Language:

  • Underuse: Conforming, plain/dull

  • Overuse: Eccentric, odd, scattered

• A Neurodivergent Reframe:

  • Underuse: Creatively feeling stuck due to executive functioning challenges or sensory overload.

  • Overuse: Deep in a hypercreative state, which may make prioritising/ activating tasks difficult. 

  • 💡 ND individuals often experience creative blocks not because of laziness but due to cognitive overwhelm. Likewise, hypercreativity isn’t necessarily impractical but may need scaffolding to become actionable.

Example 2: Prudence (Cautiousness & Planning)

• Traditional Golden Mean Language:

  • Underuse: Reckless, impulsive.

  • Overuse: Rigid, perfectionistic.

• A Neurodivergent Reframe:

  • Underuse: Driven by urgency and dopamine-seeking.

  • Overuse: Seeking a sense of control in an unpredictable world, which may appear rigid but is actually a coping mechanism. 

  • 💡 ADHDers may struggle with planning, not due to recklessness, but because traditional systems do not align with their cognitive patterns. Conversely, autistic individuals may rely on structured planning as a way to manage sensory and social unpredictability.

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Moving from Deficit-Based Language to an ND-Positive Golden Mean

The key issue with the traditional Golden Mean model is its reliance on deficit-framing, using language that carries negative moral judgments. For neurodivergent individuals, many of whom have internalized feelings of being “too much” or “not enough,” these terms reinforce harmful narratives.

A neurodivergent-friendly framework should:

·        Describe the cognitive mechanisms behind strengths and their varying expressions rather than labelling them as flaws.

·        Recognize that what is seen as "overuse" in neurotypicals may simply be a natural state for an ND brain and not something to "correct."

·        Acknowledge that executive functioning differences can influence whether a strength is expressed effectively or appears dormant.

Although this is a work in progress, this is an example of a revised Golden Mean that is potentially more ND Friendly (created by Nicola Walker)

	Underuse	Optimal	Overuse
Zest	Feeling low energy or unmotivated	Enthusiastically engaging with tasks and life	Hyperactive energy that’s sometimes difficult to channel
Love	Feeling disconnected or avoiding close relationships.  Feeling cut off from others.	Building meaningful and supportive connections	Possible overattachment or overcompensating to avoid rejection.
Kindness	Struggling to notice or act on others' needs.	Balancing care for others with self-care. Compassionate.	Overcommitting and neglecting personal boundaries.

 Strengths-Based Coaching for ND Minds

Dodson (2022) argues that coaching frameworks must avoid forcing neurodivergent individuals into neurotypical moulds, as this can lead to masking and long-term psychological harm. Surely, this means that caution should be taken when encouraging people to employ the optimal use of their strengths. There is a fear that the Golden Mean, as an example, will be used in a significantly damaging way.

As an ADHD coach working with neurodivergent individuals, the VIA Character Strengths framework is integrated in a way that celebrates neurodivergence rather than pathologising it. Rather than forcing strengths into a neurotypical "just right" state, we explore how to leverage them in ways that align with ND needs, energy patterns, and processing styles.

It is crucial for strengths-based coaches to also be mindful of the language they use and the impact it has on neurodivergent clients. Shifting away from deficit-based terminology requires a conscious effort to embrace inclusive, affirming, and precise language that reflects the lived experiences of ND individuals.

💡 Call to Action: If you are a coach, take a moment to review the frameworks you use. Are they inclusive? Do they acknowledge neurodivergent strengths without imposing neurotypical norms? Be critical of the deficit-based language within the framework. By making small but intentional changes, we can create a coaching culture that truly celebrates neurodiversity and helps clients thrive on their own terms.

Written by Nicola Walker: Founder of Shine On ADHD Coaching https://www.shineonadhdcoaching.co.uk/

References

Dodson, W. (2022). Neurodivergence and Strengths-Based Coaching: Avoiding the Pitfalls of Normalization. Journal of Neurodivergent Studies, 5(3), 112-129.

Seligman, M. E. P. (2002). Authentic Happiness: Using the New Positive Psychology to Realize Your Potential for Lasting Fulfillment. Free Press.