Why I Panic over Parking but Stay Calm in a Crisis! An ADHD Response.

If you’re curious to know why the neurodivergent brain has a backward response to danger then keep reading…..

Last week, I sat in my car outside a new building, gripping the steering wheel with clammy hands, heart thumping over one simple question: Where am I supposed to park? I’d been sent vague directions, there were a few signs I didn’t understand, and I didn’t want to get it wrong. The anxiety was loud, physical, and immediate.

A month earlier, someone I care deeply about had a serious injury. I stayed calm, made the calls, handled the details, and barely flinched (so much so that they thought I didn’t care about them!)

I’ve always been like this; it’s not just a one-off. Many of my clients have said the same. We can become very stressed over an unfamiliar journey, a misunderstood email, or a phone call out of the blue. Yet when a true emergency hits when someone’s hurt, or something really goes wrong, we often go eerily calm. Competent, even. Like our brain finally switches on.

It’s baffling, until you understand what’s really going on.

The size of the threat doesn’t matter, it’s the type….

The neurodivergent (ND) brain, especially in ADHD and autism, tends to respond more intensely to ambiguity, unpredictability, and social risk than it does to actual danger.

An emergency is clear. There’s a job to do, a next step. You act. But not knowing where to park? That’s vague. You could be judged. You could mess up. There might be unwritten rules, and no one’s there to guide you. For the ND brain, that can mean danger.

The brain is reacting to perceived threat

The amygdala, the part of the brain that sounds the alarm, doesn’t wait for proof. It fires based on patterns and gut feeling. So, for those of us who are wired differently, it often misidentifies what’s threatening.

• A new building? Could be full of confusing signs.

• A meeting? Might be full of unclear expectations.

• A phone call? Could mean conflict or rejection.

• An emergency? That’s obvious. No grey area. Just act.

  
  

Why does a crisis quiet the overthinking?

In ADHD, the Default Mode Network (DMN), the part of the brain responsible for self-reflection, day dreaming and rumination can become overactive. It tends to remain on when it 'should' switch off during tasks as it would for neurotypicals - that's why distractions are so tempting because your DMN remains switched on. It loops. It catastrophises. It asks a thousand “what if” questions about something as simple as where the entrance is or what to say when you walk in.

When a real crisis hits, the brain often shuts that system down and activates what’s called the task-positive network instead. That’s the part of the brain responsible for clear thinking and focused action. It’s like suddenly someone turned the volume down on everything else.

Some of us even find that our executive functioning improves under pressure. No more second-guessing. Just steps to follow. Strangely calming.

There’s also the issue of judgement

A lot of the panic over small things has less to do with danger and more to do with shame or rejection. In ADHD, Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD) means the fear of being judged or embarrassed can feel unbearable. So if there’s a chance of being seen as incompetent by parking wrongly, arriving flustered, or getting lost- it sets off a full-body response.

In a crisis, no-one’s judging. You’re just doing your best. That safety frees up space to think clearly.

If this sounds familiar…

Your brain is just responding to the world using a different set of priorities- ones shaped by your wiring, your past experiences, and your reaction to the unseen rules that neurotypical people take for granted.

Learning to recognise these patterns, and work out what the fear is really about, can make a huge difference. That’s something I work on a lot with my clients: helping them bring calm to the “small stuff” and develop more trust in their instincts when anxiety hits.

Sometimes the small things feel big because, for us, they are big.

If any of this resonates and you’re curious about how coaching could help, I offer a free 30 minute discovery call to explore what support might look like.

You can book directly at www.shineonadhdcoaching.co.uk. Whether you’re navigating ADHD/ AuDHD, we’ll work together to make sense of your patterns and build strategies that actually work for your brain.

Bibliography

Hallowell, E.M. and Ratey, J.J., 2021. ADHD 2.0: New science and essential strategies for thriving with distraction–from childhood through adulthood. New York: Ballantine Books.

Hallowell, E.M. and Ratey, J.J., 1994. Driven to distraction: Recognizing and coping with attention deficit disorder from childhood through adulthood. New York: Touchstone.