From Overwhelmed to Surviving University with ADHD or AuDHD: A Guide for Students and Parents

University is a significant milestone, not just for students but for parents too. It’s exciting, sure, but it can also feel like navigating uncharted waters. If your daughter/son has ADHD or AuDHD, it can seem even more daunting. As a parent, you might wonder how to help without overstepping or, worse still, adding to their stress.

For students, university can feel like a never-ending juggling act. Time management, deadlines, social pressures and looking after yourself; it’s overwhelming at the best of times. University is a lot. For students with ADHD or AuDHD, independence can feel less like freedom and more like being dropped into a maze with no map. But all is not lost, I promise!

The 3 Stages of the ADHD/AuDHD Journey

As someone who supports ADHDers/AuDHDers at university, I’ve worked with students and their families through the ups and downs of university life. Most students I meet are somewhere along their neuro-divergent journey, which I like to think of in three stages. When I see students in the first stage of 'discovery' or even 'pre-discovery,' I'm not going to lie, they can often be at their absolute wit's end- ready to drop out. However, it's the ones I see in the 'growth' stage that really give a sense of hope. They're the ones who've learnt to understand and accept how their brain works, and it inspires me everyday to see how far they've come. So, let me tell you more.....

1. Discovery: "I am not broken!"

For many students, the discovery stage starts with a diagnosis, or a lightbulb moment that their struggles aren’t about laziness or lack of effort. Realizing there’s a reason why some things feel harder can be a huge relief, but it can also be overwhelming. At this stage, self-compassion is key, but it’s also hard to come by. Years of internalized struggles can take time to untangle, and this is where parents can play a crucial role. A supportive, understanding parent who reassures their child can make all the difference.

2. Acceptance: "Okay, so how do I actually manage university?"

This stage is all about figuring out practical ways to work with ADHD or AuDHD, rather than against it. Students start experimenting with strategies to stay organized, manage time, and tackle that overwhelming list of deadlines.

For parents, this might mean stepping back a bit while still being a cheerleader in the background. Offer advice when it’s asked for (or when they’re staring at the toaster wondering why it’s not cooking pasta), but trust that they’re learning as they go.

This stage also involves tackling emotional challenges, like managing RSD (Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria) when feedback feels too harsh or stopping negativity bias from turning a small mistake into an existential crisis. It’s messy, but it’s progress.

3. Growth: "I might actually be okay at this."

Growth is where things start to click slowly, but surely. Students stop trying to fit into neurotypical moulds and instead figure out what works for them. Maybe they use hyper-focus to finish assignments or learn to challenge self-critical thoughts.

For parents, this is the time to celebrate small wins. They made it to their 9 a.m. lecture? That’s a win. They remembered to do laundry before running out of socks? Huge.

Growth doesn’t mean perfection, it means learning to navigate the chaos a little better each day so that it becomes less like surviving and more like living.

For Parents: How You Can Help

If you’re a parent, here are some ways to support your student without overwhelming them:

1. Normalize the Struggles: Remind them that feeling overwhelmed doesn’t mean they’re failing, but remind them to reach out- there is always some form of support, whether that's from a tutor, study advisor or well-being.

2. Be a Safe Space: Let them vent without jumping in to fix things. Sometimes, just listening is the best support you can give.

3. Focus on Strengths: Point out their unique ways of succeeding, like creativity or problem-solving skills.

4. Celebrate Progress: Even small steps deserve recognition. Growth isn’t linear, but every step forward counts.

And don’t forget to take care of yourself too. Supporting a neuro-divergent daughter/son can be a journey for parents just as much as for the student.

How Can an ADHD Academic Coach Can Make a Difference?

For parents, knowing their child has someone in their corner who understands ADHD on a regular basis can bring peace of mind. For students, having a coach can mean the difference between feeling lost and feeling under control.

ADHD coaching provides tailored, practical support to help students thrive both academically and personally. Unlike generic mentoring programs, ADHD coaching focuses on strategies that work for neuro-diverse minds. It’s about building the skills to manage time, stress, and relationships effectively.

A Final Word

The goal isn’t perfection: it’s progress. With patience, support, and maybe a little humour along the way, you’ll all be able to find your rhythm.

Thanks for reading. If you'd like to know more you can:

Book a free 30 minute discovery call here:

https://calendly.com/nwalker3-uclan/30-minute-free-discovery-call

Or Visit My Website

NIcola Baird Walker

Shine On ADHD Coaching